How many times have you forgotten your server’s name at a restaurant? Knowing who is assigned to you makes it much easier to ask someone else to send “your” server back to the table, or to ask for them specifically on your next trip.
A local restaurant solved those problems and made it easier for the server to remember which tables they were handling by utilizing a small sign at each table. It was so simple that I wonder why other restaurants don’t do something similar.
Your solutions don’t have to be fancy to be effective.
Many resources on effective negotiation boil down to checklists: be prepared, know your bottom line, learn about the other person’s priorities, anchor the negotiation by making the first offer, ask questions, etc. But what makes the greatest difference is your mindset and how you approach the negotiation process.
The definition that resonated most with my class and me was from Margaret Neale:
“Negotiation is about finding a solution to your counterpart’s problem that makes you better off than you would have been had you not negotiated.”
When you consider each of these components, it helps you focus on a solution-oriented approach; it helps you enter the process with more curiosity than certainty, and it may give you that extra boost of courage by framing it as a problem-solving conversation rather than an adversarial one. If you start by trying to find a solution to their problem, your whole perspective changes, and the negotiation tends to be more productive.
The next time you find yourself in a negotiation situation, whether about your kids doing chores, accepting a new project at work, making a major purchase, or just shopping at a garage sale, consider the interaction from your counterpart’s viewpoint. By helping them, it’s more likely that you, too, will benefit.
I’m a big fan of involving the supervisor in an aspect of the coaching relationship with one of their employees. While coaching needs to maintain sufficient separation for the “coachee” to be comfortable sharing difficult situations and challenges with the coach, it helps immensely when the supervisor can be looped in at occasional intervals.
Not only does this provide for updates, but it also allows a third party to interject with specific examples of behavior. There are things that the supervisor sees that the coachee may not even recognize they are doing, and, of course, the coach would have no way to know otherwise. With intermittent sessions with the supervisor, future coaching appointments can be adjusted in response to reality.
If an organization is investing in coaching for one of its employees, it’s in everyone’s best interest to have strong outcomes from the experience. Engage the supervisor to have the best chance of that happening.
The best time to outline expectations and clarify responsibilities is when there is no emotion involved. This usually occurs when no particular situation is at hand, and you can discuss in generalities and ideal scenarios rather than when a conflict is brewing.
It’s why it is wise to set ground rules for meetings, outline expectations with a timeline during onboarding, and clarify responsibilities at the beginning of a project. People tend to be more rational and reasonable when they aren’t staring down a deadline or having a disagreement about direction.
This part of the process is often overlooked, with optimistic people believing that everything will work out and things will proceed as planned. Unfortunately, it is rarely the case. Whether setting a schedule for who does the dishes or pays the bills, or being clear about what benchmarks must be met on a project, first clarify those expectations before anything else. Agreeing early is much easier and less time-consuming than disagreeing later.
Certainly, technology has its place and has made many things easier, but there are times when low-tech is the best option. Such was the case with a simple page-a-day calendar that showed the date by which someone was eligible to purchase alcohol. It was the perfect format for a small business and accomplished the job without much expense or implementation issues.
Before you reach for a high-tech solution, consider whether other methods may serve your needs. Low-tech may be high-value.
It’s a rare person who likes to be told what they are doing wrong, but most people are more receptive to hearing what they can do to get better. This simple nuance of language can make the difference in whether someone actually hears your feedback in a way that is actionable.
For example, which do you think would be more effective:
“Your free throw is bad,” or “You’d be a stronger player if your free throw improved.”
“Your report is choppy,” or “Your report would benefit from stronger transitions.”
“That outfit doesn’t work on you,” or “A deeper shade would better complement your skin tone.”
“Your presentation was boring,” or “Next time, consider adding a few stories to your presentation.”
“Your event was confusing,” or “First-time attendees could have benefited from more information and signs.”
“Your feedback was poorly delivered,” or “Saying the same thing in a different way could make it more effective.”
Your goal isn’t to just deliver the message; you want it to alter behavior. Keep the end in mind at the beginning of your comments.
Most restaurant reservation websites are straightforward and generic — you say how many in your party, and you are added to the waitlist.
The First Watch breakfast restaurant added a clever twist to theirs. When you indicate the number of people, it populates an egg crate accordingly. It’s on-brand, distinctive, and fun.
Think about how you can infuse “you” into the small things like your waitlist software. It’s egg-xactly the kind of special touch that can make your customers smile.
A fast food receipt read: “Rate us a Highly Satisfied and Receive a BOGO Sandwich.” What kind of survey mechanism is this? Instead of soliciting accurate data about how well the restaurant is doing, it will falsely skew the results in a favorable direction, overemphasizing the positive. Any negative feedback has the likelihood of being discounted due to lower numbers.
It’s not just restaurants that rig the system to get good reviews. Some managers create a culture in which only positive comments are welcome. While they don’t dish out a BOGO sandwich, they achieve the same results by delusionally believing that, because they only hear good things, all must be well.
In the book Good to Great, Jim Collins noted that the great companies confronted the brutal facts. They may be hard to hear, but knowing you have problems or performance issues is the first step toward correcting them. Don’t delude yourself by insulating your input from bad news. The ones you want to reward are those who speak the truth, even when it’s hard to hear.
One of the most useful phrases I know is “help me understand…” It is a sincere way to initiate a conversation when you may not agree with the person or premise before you, or when you want to learn another perspective. Examples:
“Help me understand why you think this is a good idea.” “Help me understand what you are trying to accomplish with your proposal.” “Help me understand what the best way is to support you right now.” “Help me understand how I have upset you.” “Help me understand what attributes you value in this candidate.” “Help me understand your preferred learning style so I can onboard you most effectively.” “Help me understand why you think you missed your goal.” “Help me understand why you made the decision you did.” “Help me understand your reaction to the meeting.” “Help me understand where you would most like to be involved.”
I teach that a key component of a difficult or important conversation is your opening line. It sets the tone for what follows, and the “help me understand” phrasing tends to avoid defensiveness and starts the exchange off on a learning note. Give it a try and see if it can’t jumpstart a productive dialogue for you.
Back in the day, when diners had a simple list of regular dishes, their menus came with pictures of all the offerings. As restaurant variety expanded, the photos were replaced with text descriptions of the many available items. People like me had to resort to scanning other diners’ meals as they were served to gauge what to order.
The First Watch restaurant realized that people are visual and added a QR code to their menus so customers could see pictures of the food before ordering. What a great idea! It helps to align expectations, saves time, and may entice people to try something new. And it saves people from craning their necks or guessing what the next table is eating!
Can you use a QR code as a simple way to provide more detailed information to those who are interested? A picture may be worth a thousand words (or calories!), but a thousand words can also be a feast for the inquisitive. Strive to provide your clients with information in the way they want it.
