Category: communication

Yesterday (dot #5076), I wrote about the downside of silence, and today I’ll share another situation where keeping things quiet may not be the best strategy — when talking with your boss.

It’s important to show deference, but that doesn’t mean being a “yes person” or keeping your mouth shut all the time. Sometimes, it is your responsibility to respectfully challenge them or point out gaps in their thinking. There are times when it is okay to push back and ask them to clarify priorities if the newest project pushes you beyond capacity. If there are questionable or unethical directives, silence isn’t the answer there either.

Nor should you expect your supervisor to read your mind. If you need resources or answers: ask! If you would like their input or help thinking through something, speak up! If you want more direction, professional development, or support from them, communicate that explicitly! If they are micromanaging or you want them to let you handle it, say that, too!

So much miscommunication occurs when people leave things unsaid. Don’t let silence keep you from getting what you need to do your job well.

“Pale se ajan, silans se lò.” It’s a Haitian saying that means, “Speaking is silver, but silence is gold.” Across the world, people teach “silence is golden,” but I think it is a myth. Sometimes, yes, but in many cases, not speaking up is at best a waste of time, and at its worst, problematic.

I am in a large group meeting and still haven’t heard one of the participants speak. I am sure they were invited to the team for a reason, but I haven’t yet discovered what it was because of their silence. I think of all the things they could be doing that may contribute to the organization, but sitting in this meeting isn’t one of them.

I think of the silence of those who see misdeeds or errors and don’t share them for fear of reprisal. That silence isn’t helpful either, because the wrongs will likely continue if left unchecked. We need people to use their voices and speak for what is right.

Silence in relationships isn’t positive either, because without candid, caring conversations, disagreements or value misalignments can fester and turn ugly. People need to feel safe sharing their concerns and feelings instead of holding them in silently.

People, especially girls, are taught to be “nice” and “not rock the boat,” but often the boat needs rocking. Respectful, honest feedback is what is golden.