Month: May 2022

With garage sale “season” upon us, I always think about a sale several years ago where the owners were trying to find a new home for a golden retriever. I had two retrievers at the time so I declined to adopt a third, but I often wonder if I wasn’t the one that was meant to have that dog. I have similar emotions when I think about another of my dogs — there were two puppies who were almost identical and I sometimes wish that I had taken both of them home…

…but then I remember that if I had adopted the garage sale dog or taken both puppies, I wouldn’t have the dog I have now — the one that has been such a delightful and funny pet.

As Dan Pink wrote in his Power of Regret book, when we look back with regret, we too often imagine only positive scenarios in our mind — where everything turned out for the better because of our actions. We never think that the dog may have been up for adoption because it was mean or that two puppies together would have bonded with each other instead of humans. Instead, we only think that we “missed out” on all the good and forget that we created other opportunities because we took a different path.

If you find yourself looking back with longing, inject some reality into your flashbacks. If you look hard enough, I think you’ll discover that your actions ultimately created alternatives, not regrets.

Two different coaching clients were sharing reflections from conferences they recently attended and both remarked that it was reaffirming to hear that others shared their experiences. “I thought we were the only one who had that problem, ” a client said. “It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way,” said another.

Almost no matter what your emotion, experience, or question is, you aren’t the only one to have it — but it often feels that way. Thus is the power of networking and relationships. If you’re vulnerable enough to share your doubts, it’s likely that there is someone out there to relate to what you are going through. The mere fact of knowing you’re not alone is often enough to diminish your fears and raise your confidence. It’s the “being the only one” that is often scarier than what you are facing.

Take advantage of conferences, coaching, professional associations, learning circles, mastermind groups, virtual affinity groups, or even Google to find others who can validate your experiences. You don’t have to fly solo.

There’s a new store in town that sells returns or rejects from Amazon and Target, all thrown together in bins. It’s more of a treasure hunt than shopping but I got in on the experience. Each day the price decreases, from $7/item to $10 for a big IKEA bag full of as much as you can cram into it.

So, I went on the bag-for-ten-bucks day. There were several items that I was excited about and would have purchased individually, but then I started putting all sorts of goodies in the bag — mostly because they were “free.” I got decorations I don’t need, items for my sister (that she doesn’t need either!), and a host of other finds that I may or may not ever use.

At the time, it was great fun to rustle through the bins and discover things of interest that I could take home without additional cost — or, I should say, without additional money. Dealing with, storing, and remembering all these things definitely has a cost.

After the fact, the words of a mentor came to mind: “Too much of a good thing is still too much.” She meant it in terms of commitments, but I think it applies to treasures in the bins as well. If I go in the future, I’ll stick to the pay-per-item days where I know I truly value what I’m bringing home.

Don’t get caught up in a frenzy where you say yes — to anything — without thinking through the consequences.