Category: life advice

In preparation for a class I’m about to teach on negotiation and conflict management, I’m reading a new book, How to Disagree Better. It’s a skill we could all use, myself included.

Author and Harvard professor Julia Minson believes that “receptiveness” is a key in this endeavor, meaning a person’s “willingness to access, consider, and evaluate supporting and opposing information in a relatively impartial manner.” It is centered on this notion of considering other viewpoints, rather than trying to persuade the other person.

Receptiveness is comprised of four components:

1. Emotional Equanimity — the ability to regulate emotions and remain calm when confronted with opposing views

2. Intellectual Curiosity — how curious you are about the rationale and origin of another’s beliefs

3. Respect Toward Opponents — feelings toward those who disagree with you

4. Tolerance of Taboo Issues — your willingness to discuss issues that are sensitive for you

Minson writes, “receptiveness is not about thoughts and feelings, but how you behave towards others.” You are able to assess your level of receptiveness via a (free) assessment, and by identifying which of the four factors comes most easily to you, you can first begin to strengthen your skills in that area.

Whether at home, work, in the political arena, or in the community, everyone encounters others who hold opposing views. Be receptive to learning new ways of receptiveness and make your life more pleasant overall.

Source: How to Disagree Better by Julia Minson, 2026
Assessment: disagreeingbetter.com/survey

A recent discussion brought up the concept of emotional confidence vs. executional confidence.

When performing a task or implementing a project, people can appear confident and be perceived as having their act together, but inside, they don’t feel it. While the work comes off well, the one who executed it is full of self-doubt. They are confident in their ability to accomplish the goal, but less secure in their own value.

And if the work is consistently good, it becomes expected, and the affirmations trail off, leaving space for even more doubt to creep in.

Don’t assume that those doing good work know that their performance is strong. Give positive feedback about the outcomes, in addition to praising the person who achieved them. Emotion and execution are two separate things.

We’ve all been there — something happens to us that gets us riled up, and our instinctual reaction is to vent to someone about it. It may make us feel better or provide positive reinforcement in a negative situation, but rarely does any good come from it. It drains time and energy and sucks others into the drama.

Being able to regulate emotions is one of the key factors in Emotional Intelligence, something that must be learned the more senior you are in the hierarchy. No one benefits when the leader rants or inappropriately shares another’s misstep.

But if you can’t control your emotions entirely, two guidelines that can keep you from making it worse:

1. Resist sharing until you can do so without drama. I liken this to throwing a wet towel (dot #313) — you need to wait until the “wet” has dissipated before you share, or the only focus will be on the emotion, not the content.
2. If you must involve someone else, be sure to “vent up,” never “vent down.” You may need to unburden yourself, but do so with a supervisor or someone up the hierarchy. Not only does this serve as a litmus test as to whether the sharing is appropriate, but it also keeps you from unfairly involving your staff in your issues.

Be mature enough to modulate your highs and lows and resist the urge to vent immediately. In most cases, this, too, shall pass without you acting out about it.

Today is April Fool’s Day, so you should be on high alert for pranksters. It’s a day for pulling practical jokes and preying on people’s gullibility in good fun.

Unfortunately, throughout the year, there are times when it feels like someone is pulling an April Fool’s joke, but they are serious. I hear the refrain “You’ve got to be kidding,” in my head, but the head-spinning proclamation from above turns out to be true.

People reluctantly put up with jokes on April 1, but on the whole, surprises in the workplace are unwelcome. Conduct yourself so that you aren’t pulling fast ones on your team. Deliver news with notice, not punch lines.