Category: life advice

leadership dot #4947: don’t assume

May 13, 2026May 12, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I’m part of the school district’s community task force, charged with making recommendations for how to align resources since the bond referendum failed. As part of our work, we toured one of the high schools. Among other spaces, we saw a robotics lab, drafting and engineering computer stations, hospital beds, welding bays, an engine repair station that allows students to work on everything from snowblowers to rebuilding car engines, and a construction lab where students are building sheds. It is offered at both high schools as part of the district’s career and college readiness program.

What I saw was nothing like any high school I went to. Had I not been on this task force, I would have driven by these schools every day, assuming all that was inside were classrooms, a library, a cafeteria, and a gym, as I had.

Think about what assumptions you might be making based on old or incomplete information. Maybe church has changed since you last attended years ago. Perhaps yoga isn’t as strenuous as you imagine, even though you have never tried it. Maybe you can learn pickleball. Perhaps if you take a tour of your schools, you would think differently the next time you vote. Maybe if you visited, you’d learn that the humane society has more than cats and dogs up for adoption. Perhaps if you attended a meeting, you’d learn how government really works.

Start by recognizing that you are making assumptions about many things, and then challenge yourself to learn firsthand whether your perceptions are true. You may be surprised at how different reality is from what you have been believing.

leadership dot #4945: don’t wait

May 11, 2026May 8, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

My spring allergies caused a cough that interrupted my sleep for weeks. All night long, I had this deep hacking as my sinuses dripped down my throat. I was tired and just did not feel well. I tried over-the-counter meds and went through two bottles of cough syrup before I finally went to the doctor. Within 24 hours of my visit, my energy returned and the coughing stopped, thanks to the serious meds I should have gotten a week earlier.

Why did I wait so long before asking for help?

We do this all the time. Staying after hours to work on a project alone, when our colleagues could have assisted during the day. Taking on responsibilities to plan the entire gathering instead of sharing the load. Struggling to assemble furniture or move it instead of relying on a buddy to assist. Spending time vexing over a problem instead of engaging others to help solve it. Going through trial and error instead of asking someone who knows how to do it.

In many cases, most people are happy to help and rarely are they annoyed by being asked. The problem is in our own heads, equating “asking” as a sign of weakness or lack of self-determination. Rid yourself of that myth and reach out the next time you would benefit from assistance. Don’t say “I’ve got this” when you don’t.

leadership dot #4940: pre-work

May 6, 2026May 5, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I required the students in my negotiation class to interview someone who practiced the skill in their career. Papers ranged from a Union steward to a police negotiator, supply contractor, and real estate agent, but all of them had one central message: preparation is key. The more you are clear on your stand, and the more you learn about the other party’s motivations, the better equipped you are to have a successful outcome.

I think preparation could be the key in most settings. The better prepared I am for a class or workshop, the more learning will take place. The more I plan ahead for an event or vacation, the more memorable the experience becomes. The more prepared I am for simple things like a trip to the grocery store, the more I can maximize my time. And so it goes.

Benjamin Franklin said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Whether in negotiation or most any other activity, he is right. Don’t discount the importance of the pre-work.

leadership dot #4935: pace

May 1, 2026April 30, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

A key strategic component of the 1,000-mile Iditarod race is when to rest the dogs. It may be tempting to push them further, but competitive mushers know that the dogs cannot indefinitely sustain a racing pace and must be well-fed and well-rested along the journey.

It seems that not all supervisors take such care. Asking teams to push, push, push is not good for productivity or morale. At some point, those who stay will become burned out, and their output will suffer. Perhaps unrealistic expectations for ONE project can be accommodated, but no one can maintain a relentless pace over the long term.

Don’t confuse “possible” with “sustainable.”

leadership dot #4934: I don’t care

April 30, 2026April 29, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I recently visited some friends in Texas, and before every meal, they asked me if I had any preferences on what we should eat or where we should dine. I am not a foodie and not familiar with the area, so my answer was always, “I don’t care.” Finally, on the last day, I suggested we grab lunch in the barbecue restaurant in the H.E.B. grocery store. It’s about as casual as you can get, but it offers delicious food.

“H.E.B. is the best thing you have said since you got here,” said my host, who was delighted that, for once, I offered an opinion and he could ensure my happiness instead of guessing.

Following this visit, I spent a few days with my niece, who provided about as much input as I did with my friends. Everything was “fine,” or “whatever you want to do,” or “it doesn’t matter to me.”

Even though both of us found any option acceptable, it still put more burden on others. Instead of being freeing, the lack of direction put all the ownership on the hosts to make decisions and plans, with the hope that they would meet their guests’ unspoken preferences.

“I don’t care” is fine on occasion, but expressing a choice is actually a gift you can give.

leadership dot #4932: blind spots

April 28, 2026April 21, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

A new book, Blindspotting, poses the question about what is stable in your personality and what can change. Author Martin Dubin proposes that you may not change your core, but through self-awareness, you can always adjust your behavior. He encourages people to become “self-curious.”

Dubin’s model shows a center motive (the why behind what motivates you), expressed through intellect, emotion, and traits. This inner core does not change, but you can change how these conditions show up in your behavior and identity (the outer core).

Dubin has created an assessment to help you identify where your default responses fall short and where too much of your strength becomes a liability. You can take the assessment here. It provides an interesting perspective on what to watch for when under stress.

We all have blind spots. Sometimes, we’re not open to hearing feedback about them or how our behavior could be modified. This assessment allows you to privately reflect (and correct) by pointing out what may be present to others, but not to you. Take 10 minutes to see yourself more clearly.

Source: Blindspotting, by Martin Dubin, 2026

leadership dot #2377a: broccoli

April 27, 2026April 18, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

To help a group of child welfare leaders practice succinctly articulating their theory of change, we had them participate in a role-play exercise involving mock interviews with different constituent groups. Over the course of an hour, leaders rotated between speaking with a donor, board member, judge, parent, and law enforcement officer – changing their pitch and message with each rotation so it was targeted toward the respective interviewer.

In the subsequent debrief, leaders lamented about the challenge this exercise posed and how difficult it was to be succinct and relevant in the moment. “This exercise was like eating broccoli,” one of the leaders commented. “I know it was good for me, but I didn’t like it. It was the right thing to do, and I’ll thank you in the long run, but it wasn’t enjoyable now.”

I think many activities that occur are like eating broccoli, and, as such, we either avoid them voluntarily or others allow us to pass rather than impose the rigor and benefit that the exercise could deliver. We often gravitate to work or learning that is fun or easy, but there is something to be said for the growth that occurs from practicing things that are difficult and challenging.

Don’t be like President George H. W. Bush and proudly proclaim that you aren’t going to eat any more broccoli. Even if it’s not your favorite vegetable, use it as a metaphor for doing what you know will be helpful over time and regularly put a helping of it on your plate (or agenda!).

Originally published in modified form on December 18, 2018

leadership dot #1717a: potentially

April 26, 2026April 18, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I had to laugh when I saw this sign:

Even though the dog wasn’t there, it was effective in keeping me at an extended distance. But my favorite part was the word “potentially.” Aren’t all dogs potentially vicious — if taunted or provoked?

I think of the wide range of emotions and behavioral expression that animals and people potentially have. Employees could put a sign at their desk or family members could hang one in the kitchen: Potentially _____________. Potentially Happy. Potentially Crabby. Potentially Snarky. Potentially Giddy.

We all have the potential to pick our attitude and emotions. Take care to choose one that doesn’t keep others away.

Originally published in modified form on February 12, 2017

leadership dot #1207a: consistency

April 23, 2026April 18, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I was never a fan of Mr. Rogers, but I did appreciate one of his quotes:

“I like to swim, but there are some days I just don’t feel much like doing it — but I do it anyway! I know it’s good for me and I promised myself I’d do it every day, and I like to keep my promises.”

I can certainly relate his swimming to my blog writing. If I only wrote on the days I felt like it, I would have far fewer postings than I do now.

I wonder why it is that I keep to the discipline of writing a daily blog, but don’t always have the same tenacity with other intentions that I have. Could it be because the blogs are public, or more likely because they are numbered? Perhaps it is because I have not missed one day in over three years, so I hate to break the ‘streak’? Maybe it is because I don’t ask myself if I ‘feel like it’, because I hardly ever do.

Think about a positive behavior you have that you wish to replicate in other areas of your life. What characteristics make up that pattern, which you can apply to other tasks or habits? If Mr. Rogers could swim daily and I can write for [5063] days, maybe there are things we all can learn from that kind of consistency.

Source: The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember by Fred Rogers, Hatchette Books, 2003

Originally published in modified form on September 21, 2015

leadership dot #313a: wet towel

April 21, 2026April 18, 2026by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

Enjoy re-reading some of my favorite dots for a few days while I enjoy some time away….

When someone gets all worked up about something, the temptation is often to share their emotions with the first person around. Many times this plays out like someone vomiting in a cartoon — the words just blather out and spew all over the listener. The original party may feel better, but those who were the recipients of the sharing now have the burden of dealing with the emotions as well.

Like a stain on their shirt, they may choose to ignore it, but it is there nonetheless. More often than not, they don’t/can’t/won’t forget it is there, so the time and emotional energy invested in the issue multiplies.

In most instances, everyone would be better off if the original speaker allowed for an element of time to pass before sharing. Time has the ability to decompress emotion and put things into a much more reasoned perspective. Think of emotion as water being soaked up by a towel. Time is equivalent to ringing out the water, so that the towel may be easily passed on to another without fanfare or incident. If you hand someone a soaking wet towel, all the attention turns to dealing with the water rather than the towel. If you have let the emotion pass through, the actual issue may be addressed.

Next time you’re tempted to vent or insert drama into a situation, ask yourself if you really need to hand off the towel while it is soaking wet or whether everyone would be better off if you waited a bit before doing so. I’ll bet you know the right answer.

Originally published in modified form on April 10, 2013