Category: life advice

In my intercultural class, the text distinguished between high- and low-load communication, which refers to the level of mental concentration and processing required.

Intercultural communication is a clear example of a high-load exchange, as people concentrate to understand different languages, word use, and context, but many other situations demand more mental effort.

Examples include:

• Being in an interview vs. attending a routine meeting
• Reviewing a detailed contract compared to reviewing a proposal from a trusted staff member
• Constantly monitoring a puppy or baby instead of knowing the grown ones are fine
• Creating a new report vs. updating one
• Doing homework in a subject that is hard for you vs. one that comes more naturally
• Making decisions about where to stretch limited funds vs. having the ability to pay all your bills
• Meeting with a new boss vs. having a meeting with a longtime colleague
• Reading a non-fiction book vs. a novel
• Planning a vacation vs. just showing up to participate in one

We think of things in terms of the time something requires, but I don’t think we give enough consideration to the mental load. Those with power, resources, and privilege are able to reduce their mental load in ways others can’t.

As you plan your own time — and need for rest — as well as when you assign responsibilities to others (both at home and work), calculate the mental load required to achieve it and plan accordingly. All time is not equal.

Whether from fear, overthinking, or uncertainty, people sometimes let thoughts rattle around in their minds without expressing them. These nuggets can turn into full-fledged stories that drive our behaviors, inhibit actions, and cause a lot of angst.

The solution to carrying that weight in our minds is to follow a simple mantra: Out of head to out of mouth. If we give voice to worries, doubts, questions, or unknowns, we may find hope of resolving the issues. Clarifying situations with others can relieve us of second-guessing their intent. Expressing our concerns can provide additional information that alleviates our fears or at least lets us know where we stand. Being vulnerable enough to share our worry may yield the necessary support.

People are not mind readers. While you may hesitate, speaking what is heavy on your mind is the best (only?) chance to effectively stop the continuous loop in your own head. Out of head to out of mouth. Be brave enough to do it.

In my Global Business Communication class, I required students to interview someone who had international experience. One student recounted the story his subject shared about villagers he encountered in Uganda who routinely eat with their hands. He summed it up this way: “First you have Culture Shock, then you have Judgment, and finally you reach Acceptance.”

It’s a useful framework for cross-cultural communication, but I believe it has broader implications for all types of change. People often have an initial shock reaction when they first learn of the action, and their immediate response may be negative as they dismiss the idea purely because it is a change. Once the new way settles in and people learn more about the idea, there is often acceptance (or at least not overt pushback).

There is so much change happening that it may be beneficial to work on derailing the above pattern to minimize the Shock and Judgment stages. Instead of being surprised when you encounter something new, come to expect it and approach the differences with curiosity. Just because something is not the way you would do it does not make it wrong.