You don’t know the true strength of your system until it is tested under stress.
A process may seem to be working well, but only because someone is putting in extra time. The relationship may seem to be compatible, but only because there hasn’t been cause for conflict. The budget may seem adequate, but only because no emergency expenditure has been required.
Don’t assume that smooth operating will continue during the extraordinary. Stress can lead to either resilience or stress fractures. Test the process in advance to prepare it for the inevitable strains.
Whether from fear, overthinking, or uncertainty, people sometimes let thoughts rattle around in their minds without expressing them. These nuggets can turn into full-fledged stories that drive our behaviors, inhibit actions, and cause a lot of angst.
The solution to carrying that weight in our minds is to follow a simple mantra: Out of head to out of mouth. If we give voice to worries, doubts, questions, or unknowns, we may find hope of resolving the issues. Clarifying situations with others can relieve us of second-guessing their intent. Expressing our concerns can provide additional information that alleviates our fears or at least lets us know where we stand. Being vulnerable enough to share our worry may yield the necessary support.
People are not mind readers. While you may hesitate, speaking what is heavy on your mind is the best (only?) chance to effectively stop the continuous loop in your own head. Out of head to out of mouth. Be brave enough to do it.
I have been very surprised by the number of people who applauded my decision to write dots only on weekdays instead of every.single.day. I really hesitated to do that—feeling like I was letting myself down more than others—but the positive commentary was unforeseen.
I think there is something to learn there—that often, we impose more burden on ourselves than necessary. Sure, you can’t tell your boss that you are no longer going to fulfill a major responsibility, but I’ll bet there are tasks or steps along the way that you put there. At home, there are likely duties you take on that others would not care if you stopped doing or did less frequently.
Everyone is so busy. It has become the chorus of our lives, recounting all the things we did and how frantic our pace is. Take a lesson from the dots and step back on something. Maybe that’s biweekly meetings instead of weekly. Ordering in every Friday instead of cooking. Quarterly reports rather than monthly. Quality doesn’t have to suffer if the cadence changes.
One of the speakers in my global communications class advised that the first thing to do when working with an international client or colleague is to add their country’s holidays to your calendar. In addition to showing respect for their culture, it helps you be mindful of times when they will likely be off and predict delivery delays due to the holiday season.
The same principle applies for internal and domestic clients. Know when board meetings and other key events occur in the organization. Understand cyclical deadlines—don’t propose something new to tax accountants in April or school teachers in August. Pay attention to filing and reporting deadlines for grants or other projects. Consider religious and cultural holidays of diverse members of your team.
The more inclusive you can make your calendar, the more likely you are to avoid missteps and surprises caused by others’ unavailability. Let your calendar reflect the world in which you operate, not just your own events.
In my Global Business Communication class, I required students to interview someone who had international experience. One student recounted the story his subject shared about villagers he encountered in Uganda who routinely eat with their hands. He summed it up this way: “First you have Culture Shock, then you have Judgment, and finally you reach Acceptance.”
It’s a useful framework for cross-cultural communication, but I believe it has broader implications for all types of change. People often have an initial shock reaction when they first learn of the action, and their immediate response may be negative as they dismiss the idea purely because it is a change. Once the new way settles in and people learn more about the idea, there is often acceptance (or at least not overt pushback).
There is so much change happening that it may be beneficial to work on derailing the above pattern to minimize the Shock and Judgment stages. Instead of being surprised when you encounter something new, come to expect it and approach the differences with curiosity. Just because something is not the way you would do it does not make it wrong.
It’s a temptation for high-performing people to say “yes” to the many requests sure to come their way. Others know these ambitious folks will get it done, and the performers know that, somehow, they will make it happen. To say “no” can feel like admitting that they aren’t as much of an achiever as the achiever identity they own.
But there is a difference between “can” and “should.” Maybe the high-performer can work late, be stressed, and put other priorities aside to accomplish the request, but the additional project is not the right one for the organization. Saying “no” doesn’t imply that you can’t; rather, it means you could but strategically choose not to.
There is also a distinction between “yes” and “when.” Perhaps the new request is valid, but it is not a priority. Before automatically agreeing, ask if there is flexibility in the timeline that better corresponds with the current workload and strategy. There may be no need to drop everything to accomplish it, just because the request is recent or from someone of importance.
Another option is to consider “who” before agreeing to a new assignment. Maybe your area is the right one to handle a project, but someone else in the area would be better suited. Consider whether you personally need to accomplish the work before automatically saying “yes” to the request.
Being a high performer allows you to feel good about producing an abundance of top-quality work, but instead of continually taking on more, learn to become more strategic in what you accept. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean it has to be now or by you. Ask “whether, when, and who” before automatically saying yes to preserve your energy and talents for the right projects.
The boss called a meeting for Friday afternoon, and you fear for your job, even though you don’t know the agenda.
It’s the start of the quarter, but already you are concerned about making your goals.
A loved one has medical tests, and you fret about the possibilities before you learn the results.
Your route takes you through a major city, and you worry that traffic will be bad even before you encounter it.
You have just learned your project team, but are already stressed out about how you will work together.
There are certainly times when worry is warranted, but those situations come after something has occurred, not before it. You’ll have much less stress if you train your brain to dismiss thoughts of angst about hypothetical concerns.
It’s harder to do things when you don’t fully commit to them.
People who hate shaving don’t want to pay for premium razors, so they hate it even more when they try to shave with a cheap blade.
DIYers give up when they run into challenges trying to do projects with only basic tools.
Artists have a hard time creating professional work with cheap brushes or only free software.
Budding cooks are frustrated by recipes that require processes that could be easily done with a specialized appliance but are hard to do by hand.
Golfers who use basic clubs will likely not improve their score until they upgrade their equipment.
When you want to do something regularly, it pays to invest in the tools to do it well. What you spend in money, you will recoup in time and quality. Stop just getting by.
I have watched with great interest the road construction happening near me this summer. The crews are installing a roundabout on the main thoroughfare and have managed to keep both directions open while they do it. I’m sure that’s no small feat — or small expense — as they had to lay a temporary road to expand the shoulder for traffic, then dig it up when it was time to construct the permanent road and do it again on the other side. But the extra efforts have paid off, and the inconvenience has been minor given the scope of the project.
I think there is a parallel to communication. It’s important to keep the lanes open, even when it’s challenging to do so. Yes, it’s easier to close off any input streams and make the decision yourself, but keeping the lines of communication open is worth the effort. You may have to backtrack or create new ways of sharing your message, but it’s much better than closing off the flow entirely.
It would be easier for the workers to fully close the road and do the construction, just as it would be easier to ignore a conflict with someone and close the communication channels. But you want to keep the exchange flowing, even when it’s messy or difficult to sustain that forward motion. Do the work to keep things open.
One of my colleagues astutely pointed out that it is easier to get riled up against something than it is to speak out for something. If things are going well, people tend to say, “Of course, I support it,” and think that showing up to demonstrate that support is unnecessary or obvious, thus giving the loud voices more air. It’s true for public meetings and organizational ones as well.
Better that we give explicit support to the ideas and issues that we believe are good, even if those are the ones in place now. Small pockets of dissent start to feel like a majority view when there is no counterbalancing narrative.
It is unfair to rely on others to be our voice and unwise to let the opposition dominate. Don’t wait until it is a heated debate to make your views known.
