There is a distinction between sharing your opinion and sharing a judgment.
If you say you don’t like A, that is an opinion. If you say you have concerns that A won’t work because you know XYZ, that is a judgment.
If you think A is a better choice because you prefer it, that is an opinion. If you think A is the better option based on facts, that is a judgment.
Before you speak up or give credence to someone’s comment, consider whether there is any substantiation to the remarks or whether it’s just an opinion.
When I interview people for an article I’m writing, I receive full cooperation and referrals to other sources. Often, those sources are competitors, but people set that aside because they identify as part of the same profession. They transcend their differences to share an affinity greater than any individual opposition. Professional associations operate on the same principle; people gather under the umbrella of their commonality, focusing on that bond rather than the fact that they compete for the same customers.
It’s a good framework for all of our relationships — focusing on what brings us together rather than what puts us at odds. We can be rivals rooting for different teams, or claim the identity of being a basketball fan. We can have loyalty to our town/state/country, or see ourselves as citizens of the planet, all wanting the best quality of life. We can focus on our narrow role, or take ownership of serving the entire organization’s customers.
How you react depends largely upon how you define your identity. The world is a better place when we see ourselves as part of a larger group.
Do you identify as a kiwi or part of a fruit salad?
If you want different behaviors from people, watch what you tolerate.
We know this from raising pets. If you allow that cut puppy to jump on you, that big dog will jump on you, too. If you put up with indiscriminate barking in the beginning, chances are you’ll have a barker for life.
But we sometimes fail to make that connection with people and allow others to continue with behaviors that should have been stopped when they first started.
We tolerate:
Someone who dominates at every meeting, instead of initially establishing group ground rules
Someone who never speaks up, instead of calling on them and prompting input
People turning in late work, instead of creating consequences for doing so
Inappropriate remarks from others, instead of calling them out on them
Others who fail to carry their weight on projects, instead of holding them accountable
People who are perpetually late by waiting, instead of proceeding without them
Our actions (or inactions) teach others how to treat us. The longer you allow a behavior you don’t like to continue, the harder it is to course-correct. Stop tolerating and speak up.
There is no perfect candidate, leaving us to hire someone who has some limitations. Ideally, some of those moments of hesitation will display themselves in the interview or reference check process, allowing the hiring manager to weigh the pros and cons before making an offer.
Too often, supervisors “hope” that their fears will be unrealized and everything will turn out well. They don’t want to bring up negatives, so they don’t say anything to the candidate/new employee. A better way to facilitate that process is to be very candid up front with the candidate about the weaknesses others saw in the interview and the concerns you have. It will give you shorthand to quickly refer to the initial “these are the hesitations” conversation you had at the start, allowing you to nip the behavior in the bud as soon as it is observed on the job.
Pay attention to your gut and be clear about your misgivings. It’s much easier to heed red flags and take precautions than it is to drag someone out of the water.
The City of San Diego, California, has employed a herd of 300 goats to help remove dry vegetation as a fire prevention measure. The goats devour brush in difficult to reach areas and have been serving as “official fire safety goats” since 2021.
Can the City’s use of goats inspire you to think of additional ways to accomplish your work without hiring new staff? Maybe you can prompt one of the AI models to handle some of your processes. Perhaps outsourcing can save resources. You could consider hiring an intern or apprentice, or partnering with a college on a class project. And, of course, there’s always the option to rethink the work you do and to eliminate aspects of it that are not contributing value.
There always seems to be more work and fewer people to do it. Get creative about how you can accomplish your goals in nontraditional ways.
Originally published in modified form on April 5, 2018. Repeated here as it is the 25th anniversary of this dinner — something that proved to be life-changing for me.
How do you make a lasting impression on a candidate? Go meet them in person. This happened to me on this date in 2001, when my eventual boss called me up in Detroit and asked if he could meet me (for the first time) for dinner that night to talk about a job I had applied for. Impressive enough, but more so given that he lived in St. Louis.
Keith flew up to the Motor City, we had dinner, and the rest, as they say, is history. Sure, I went through the obligatory campus interview and did all the other standard things in the hiring process, but that day was when the real decision was made.
Keith said all the finalists had the right qualifications, but at this stage, it all came down to chemistry. Was I a fit with him and vice versa? The only way to tell is to spend time together in person. He invested time on the front end, and the fit was so good that we still talk every year on April 5, even though he has long retired and it is (now 25) years later.
Maybe you aren’t as fortunate as Keith to have the ability to go to dinner on the home turf of all your candidates, but you do have the option to spend time alone with them when they come to interview or to have multiple conversations before a hiring decision is made.
You don’t marry someone after the first date, even if you like them. One quick Q and A with someone isn’t enough to know whether the hiring match is right, either.
(he forgot his business cards, so he wrote his contact info on his boarding pass!)
Earlier this week, I received a note from a student that I taught in 2022, telling me that he found what I taught him “to be extremely useful day to day.” Then yesterday, I received thanks for an article I wrote and shared appreciation for highlighting their story.
What day-brighteners! My student sent a direct message via LinkedIn, and the other compliment came via email — both quick methods of communication, but I will bask in the glow of those comments for much longer than it took them to write.
It’s a reminder that closing the loop and letting someone know the impact they have had is rare but treasured. Whose day can you make today by sharing a few words with them?
A consistent theme among my students and coaching clients is the difficulty they have with appropriately pushing back. They act as if it is easier to let someone take advantage of them, to let an objection go unspoken, or to take on extra responsibilities alone, than to experience the discomfort of speaking up. I spend a lot of time trying to disabuse this notion!
Someone just shared that they were served a well-done steak, even though they had ordered medium-rare. Typically, they would have just eaten the meal as served, but took the lessons to heart. When the waiter asked, “How is your meal?” they said that it was a bit overdone. Much to their surprise, it was no big deal at all for the waiter. He allowed them to keep the original steak, brought a properly prepared meal, and was pleasant throughout the exchange. Yeah!!
This is how you develop assertiveness skills. You don’t speak up for the first time in a leadership meeting, or use your beginner voice when challenging your boss. You practice, frequently, in inconsequential settings to train your brain to accept that discomfort is bigger in your mind than in reality.
Make “send the steak back” your new mantra. Have the courage to push back or ask for what you need when the stakes (ha!) are low, and build that muscle to speak up when it truly matters.
We’ve all been there — something happens to us that gets us riled up, and our instinctual reaction is to vent to someone about it. It may make us feel better or provide positive reinforcement in a negative situation, but rarely does any good come from it. It drains time and energy and sucks others into the drama.
Being able to regulate emotions is one of the key factors in Emotional Intelligence, something that must be learned the more senior you are in the hierarchy. No one benefits when the leader rants or inappropriately shares another’s misstep.
But if you can’t control your emotions entirely, two guidelines that can keep you from making it worse:
Resist sharing until you can do so without drama. I liken this to throwing a wet towel (dot #313) — you need to wait until the “wet” has dissipated before you share, or the only focus will be on the emotion, not the content.
If you must involve someone else, be sure to “vent up,” never “vent down.” You may need to unburden yourself, but do so with a supervisor or someone up the hierarchy. Not only does this serve as a litmus test as to whether the sharing is appropriate, but it also keeps you from unfairly involving your staff in your issues.
Be mature enough to modulate your highs and lows and resist the urge to vent immediately. In most cases, this, too, shall pass without you acting out about it.
Today is April Fool’s Day, so you should be on high alert for pranksters. It’s a day for pulling practical jokes and preying on people’s gullibility in good fun.
Unfortunately, throughout the year, there are times when it feels like someone is pulling an April Fool’s joke, but they are serious. I hear the refrain “You’ve got to be kidding,” in my head, but the head-spinning proclamation from above turns out to be true.
People reluctantly put up with jokes on April 1, but on the whole, surprises in the workplace are unwelcome. Conduct yourself so that you aren’t pulling fast ones on your team. Deliver news with notice, not punch lines.
