Category: expectations

leadership dot #4732: unaddressed

September 16, 2025September 15, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I gave my puppy a lick-mat to entertain her for a few blissful moments. When she was finished eating the peanut butter, she decided that the mat itself would be tasty and proceeded to chew off a piece. Fortunately, I caught her, removed the mat, and thought no more of it.

Fast forward a few weeks. I gave her a new mat, thinking the chewing was a one-time problem or that she had grown out of the phase, only this time, I was not as diligent a monitor. As a result, a quarter of the mat had been ingested.

Shame on me.

It reminds me of the hopeful (delusional?) behavior of some supervisors who see bad behavior from their employees, do nothing to correct it, put them in a similar situation, and then are surprised when the poor outcome is the same. Of course, the puppy was going to eat the mat. Of course, the employee who did sloppy work is going to repeat it.

People hesitate to provide course-correcting feedback, but without it, the behavior stays the same, even if it’s bad. Don’t be foolish enough to think things will improve on their own.

Original destruction and the newest version.

leadership dot #4669: scoot

July 8, 2025July 7, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

The Basilica of Saint Mary in Minneapolis is undergoing a “paint investigation,” where conservators are testing painted-over areas to reveal the original work. “Although previous restorations were sensitive to the original decorating scheme, each iteration deviated further from historic precedent,” they wrote.

This gradual variation occurs with more than paint. It reminded me of Danny Meyer’s salt shaker analogy (dot #92), where the salt shaker is set at a precise location at each of his restaurant tables, but eventually “scoots” to another place after time. He recommends utilizing “constant, gentle pressure” to keep the item as close to the original placement as possible.

I’ve used this analogy countless times when talking about supervision. You need to identify the expectations and then address it when behavior “scoots” from that desired state. Each transgression is an iteration that moves further from the center, and you don’t want to wait and have many layers of deviations.

A slight variation in paint color, a few minutes late to work, and a little bit of slacking all seem harmless until the pattern accumulates. Conduct your own “investigation” and identify the ideal, then be vigilant in monitoring the small movements away from that point.

leadership dot #4668: punch card

July 7, 2025July 4, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

In a post on X, Leah Pierson shared that her friends made a pact to say “no” to more things. They created a punch card, and when someone set boundaries for 10 things, the other friends would buy them an ice cream. “In a pilot study, we found participants both said no to more things and got more free ice cream, she wrote.” I love this idea!

It is so easy to feel guilt or obligation that leads us to agree to do things that we don’t want to do or maybe shouldn’t even do. Tasks that fall outside our responsibilities. Donation requests that use social pressure to get us to contribute. Outings that don’t excite us. Taking on extra commitments when our plates are already full. We say “yes” to go along, be a good sport, not make waves, or because we’re too timid to speak up. Creating a punch card with peer accountability, tangible tracking, and a delicious reward is a great way to cause us to pause and consider an intentional response.

Maybe you can make a punch card with your friends or colleagues — or even reward yourself for establishing parameters to meet your needs. I see more ice cream in your future!

leadership dot #4664: prelude

July 3, 2025July 2, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

Even though tomorrow is the official holiday, today feels different. Some offices are closing early. Many employees took the day off. Schedules are modified in cities where the festivities begin this evening.

When thinking about workflow and morale, we sometimes forget to take the prelude and debrief into account. Today isn’t going to be the most productive, nor is Monday following the holiday weekend. The same is true for all vacations and all the time-off observances throughout the year.

Instead of having unmet expectations for what can be accomplished on those days, prepare for the lulls by noting the “day before” and “day after” on your calendar whenever you are away — whether for a conference, PTO, or holiday. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself and crank out a bunch of work in preparation, or return so energized that you’ll be a dynamo then, but better to have a grace period for your brainpower to be in lower gear.

leadership dot #1188a: give us a minute

June 30, 2025June 22, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

One of the practices in my personal life is to Never Tell a Waitress, “Give us a Minute.”

What happens when you aren’t ready to order? Send her away? Inevitably, she gets out of her routine and forgets to come back to you until an extended period has passed. She has a method for handling her new customers and servicing those already seated, and “give us a minute” throws off that rhythm. Not that it should be that way; it’s just my experience that it is. So, instead of being aggravated by the delay, I align my expectations with reality and either order quickly or plan to wait.

Do you have some personal habits that you have developed as a way to mitigate the aggravation and stress in your life? Are there things that “always drive you crazy” but you continue to put yourself in that situation without making adjustments? If getting behind school buses is a trigger for you, perhaps you should leave earlier/later. If you never can figure out what to wear, maybe you could plan out outfits for the week or have a fashion-forward friend provide you with a month’s worth of choices. If the barrage of emails from political candidates or certain stores irritates you, take a minute to unsubscribe.

You can fret or you can develop your own workarounds that become part of your routine. Life has enough unexpected bumps without going over the same ones repeatedly.

Originally published in modified form September 2, 2015

leadership dot #4651: too close

June 13, 2025June 12, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

I’ve always been curious about people being attacked by wild animals. Just this week, a second man was gored after getting too close to a bison in Yellowstone National Park. I wondered what would possess them to get that close to a beast weighing several hundred pounds.

Then I saw a live moose in Rocky Mountain National Park, and I understood. It was so beautiful! It was so close! I could see the fuzz on its antlers as it chomped away on a bush! I really wanted to pet it (I didn’t!).

If there is no barrier, people are tempted to get closer than they should. If you don’t set limits for your staff, they will push the boundaries. If there are no limits as to what is acceptable, people will determine their own ranges, which may violate the norms you wish to establish. If you don’t outline the consequences, people may not think of the implications and instead engage in risky behavior.

Yes, it would have been nice to pet the moose, but healthy boundaries are better for everyone. Don’t let your staff get gored by too much freedom.

leadership dot #4572: let them

March 26, 2025March 25, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

Author and podcaster Mel Robbins has created a buzz around her “Let Them” theory, a mindset hack that is as simple as it is effective. She says, “When you “let them” do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”

Robbins advocates saying “let them” to yourself whenever someone is exhibiting behavior you can’t control, whether something as simple as slowing down the checkout line or something as serious as excessive drinking. Just say “Let them.”

But Part 2 of her theory is where the hard work is — saying “Let Me.” Yours is the only behavior you can control, so it becomes up to you to determine what you will do as a result of others’ actions. You let them act how they wish, but if it negatively impacts you or goes against your values, then “let me” change my behavior in response.

Your classmates in a group project are slacking off. Let them. Let me decide that I want to carry the ball to get the grade that impacts me. A company supports candidates who have vastly different political views. Let them. Let me decide where I shop. Your boss treats you unfairly. Let them. Let me start looking for a new job.

Robbins implores you to stop wasting your energy or becoming upset because of what others do. None of your huffing and puffing will change their actions so “let them.” Instead, focus on the only behavior you can influence — “let me.”

Source: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, 2024.

leadership dot #4546: balanced

February 28, 2025February 27, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

A minister observed that young mothers make one of two common mistakes in raising their children. One is overestimating their child’s innocence, causing them to dismiss any faults and find it hard to believe their sweet cherub could do anything wrong. The other is when they underestimate the child’s potential to excel and the mother’s overprotectiveness limits the child’s ability to grow.

I believe similar circumstances apply to new managers. Some bosses are blinded to the faults of their employees and may overlook transgressions because of the employee’s performance output or charisma. Other supervisors micromanage their staff members and demand oversight of all actions, thus stifling their employees’ autonomy and motivation. Neither is healthy for anybody.

Finding the right balance is a challenge when you’re a new supervisor (and I imagine that when you’re a new parent). I shudder to think of how hard I was on my earliest staff before I became more comfortable with myself and my style. The early days are when an experienced person is helpful to lend perspective and advice.

Even if you’re not new in your role, take a moment to reflect on where you land on the spectrum of overestimating and overprotecting. The sooner you can make adjustments, the better.

Source: Wise Mother’s Great Expectations: Cultivating Godly Potential in Children by Bob Russell, May 12, 2024

Thanks, Brian!

leadership dot #4542: full plate

February 24, 2025February 21, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

In 1996, a decision was made to build a new terminal at Detroit Metro Airport, allowing it to become Northwest Airlines’ second-largest hub and gateway to Asia. James Greenwald, Northwest’s VP of facilities and airport affairs, oversaw this massive project in addition to doing his “regular job” supervising all the other facilities and airports.

When asked how he accomplished this, Greenwald replied, “I work four days a week in Detroit and four days a week in Minneapolis [HQ].” I’m sure it felt that way for several years.

It’s not unusual for organizations to expect their people to handle extra responsibilities and somehow absorb them into their existing roles as if they have the capacity to do so — but why is this the norm? I was once asked to become acting director of admissions for a year — and to continue ownership of my VP role. I know a director who became responsible for a fundraising and building project — while simultaneously doing his day job. Others are expected to oversee projects, implement grants, teach an extra class, or fill in for a vacancy — all while fulfilling their original roles.

Greenwald may have been willing (and well compensated) to work ‘eight days a week,’ but that is not the case for many of today’s workers who don’t want to sacrifice non-work hours in service of the organization. Before you add another major chunk of responsibilities to someone’s plate, be clear about what they can stop doing to sanely handle it.

leadership dot #4535: skater

February 17, 2025February 14, 2025by leadership dots by dr. beth triplettLeave a comment

Undoubtedly, you have heard about the horrific plane crash in Washington, D.C. that took the lives of 28 ice skaters. Tragedy is not new to the skating world, as the entire U.S. Figure Skating team and coaches died in 1961 in another crash in Brussels on their way to the World Championships in Czechoslovakia.

It reminded my friend of a story from 1960, about a 15-year-old U.S. figure skater who was a “sure thing” to make the Olympic squad. However, during the tryouts, nerves got to her and the skater fell three times, failing to make the team. Consequently, she was not on the plane that crashed…but went on to marry and have 11 children. Although she was undoubtedly devastated by missing out on the Olympics, she had a different, but robust and presumably happy life.

My friend thinks of this story a lot when things don’t go according to what she had planned. “I’m the girl who didn’t make the ice skating team,” she tells herself when her life throws her a curve ball or something goes awry.

If you can get over the disappointment from unmet expectations, you can become open to the possibility that something different, but good, can come from the alternate situation. Embrace the life that comes after you don’t make the team.

Thanks, Joan!