I work with many new graduates and people who are relocating to a new city.  Oftentimes I hear that one of the hardest parts of the adjustment is “finding new friends.”


I have lived in several different places in my life, oftentimes knowing no one beyond an interviewer when I arrived.  I can attest that relocation has a host of challenges to overcome, but I have managed to develop a strategy that fights off the loneliness and can be an eventual-friend developer.

Instead of seeking “friends”, find several different people with whom you can do “one thing” per month.  This casual interval allows you to develop a relationship if the chemistry is right, but allows you to ease in or out of the acquaintanceship without pressure on either part.

When I lived in St. Louis, I went to dinner with the same couple once a month to a restaurant that was “new to us.”  I’m not sure I did anything else with them, but after many months of dining together a friendship grew.  I had others that I with whom I would attend baseball games, or go to a musical or walk together, etc.  I didn’t expect to develop that close circle of friends from the beginning, rather I had a whole host of people interspersed throughout my monthly social calendar, each month, each with a different activity that “we” did.

I think the same principle works with other things — stringing together freelance gigs or developing your hobby or learning more about the city that is old to you.  Not ONE person/organization/product has to fulfill all your needs.

— beth triplett
leadershipdots.blogspot.com
@leadershipdots
leadershipdots@gmail.com


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