Many people have a tough time setting boundaries. There are many reasons for this — they want to be nice, they’re afraid to speak up, they hope to avoid a confrontation, they don’t believe they have the right to impose limits, or perhaps they have never considered parameters to be necessary. While it may be easy to avoid setting expectations in the beginning, as time goes on, you pay the price for your lack of clarity.
Artist Kelly Rae Roberts listed a set of boundaries for use of her materials by outlining two categories: What is and what is not okay. Author Brené Brown has followed suit. While both of these lists cover the acceptable use of proprietary materials, the format may be helpful for you to adapt to create a boundaries list of your own. What type of actions fit within your organization’s norms? What do you expect from a partner or relationship? How can others best work with you? What behaviors trigger you? Take some time to consider the answers and then whether you communicate through the actual list or you speak the words at the appropriate moment, having your parameters clarified in advance will help you to share them clearly.
I saw a humorous sign that read: “I would like to cancel my subscription to your issues.” As with all things, the best way to end something is not to start it. Make a concerted effort to articulate your boundaries and prevent issues from happening in the first place.
