My friend’s dog Mable is having some anxiety issues so they sought the advice of a behavioralist. The trainer’s analogy was that Mable was like a drug addict and my friend was her drug dealer — so whenever others were near my friend, Mable feared they were getting her drugs, or whenever my friend wasn’t in sight it caused fear she may not come back. They are now in a “detox” program, first creating some physical distance and eventually working up to the ability to be with others and to handle different commands.
I think that humans often see others as their “drug dealers” in a similar sense. Some employees are so desperate for compliments that they give disproportionate weight to what the boss thinks, treating praise like a drug of which they never have enough. Others cling to certain colleagues and come to rely on those relationships more than is healthy. A compulsive need for companionship occurs in friendships and romantic partnerships too, and anxiety rises whenever those who need to be with others find themselves alone.
We all have urges and desires that are stronger than others. Hopefully, the metaphor of a drug addict and dealer will help you frame ways to address the undesirable behaviors before you overdose on them.
