When I told my students that we would start each of our communication classes with small talk, I heard the expected groan. It seems that very few people enjoy the light banter, even though it is an essential social skill.
Part of their dislike is that they conflate many dimensions into one, rather than considering them separately:
- Energizing vs. draining
- Ease with facilitating a conversation vs. it taking effort
- Comfortable in social settings vs. uncomfortable
Yes, you may go home exhausted after being at a reception, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good at small talk. You may be uncomfortable conversing with strangers, but still be able to ask questions and fluently nurture a discussion. Just because it requires forethought or some awkward moments shouldn’t cause you to avoid small talk altogether.
The only way to become more at ease with any skill is practice. I encourage my students to use their small talk skills in micro-moments to become more comfortable. Have the proverbial “water cooler” chat with a colleague. Speak to the person next to you in the checkout line. Comment to the delivery driver about the weather.
There’s nothing small about the impact a good conversationalist can make.
