For me, one of the most interesting pieces of the Let Them Theory book was the chapter on adult friendships. Author Mel Robbins notes that as children, you were in lock-step with your friends: same age, milestones, school, routine, and often, after-school activities. Friendship was a group sport, she writes.
Then, after “the great scattering” when friends are no longer spending most of their time together, friendship changes to an individual sport where it becomes harder to find your people. You start interacting with others who are at different stages of life and have different routines instead of being part of the group structure that was built in as part of childhood. Hmm — I had never looked at it that way, but it certainly is true.
Think about the people that were your friends in childhood or college and of all the natural interactions that made those friendships possible. You were close — maybe even living together in college, all at the same point in the life cycle, and you found friends that fit. Now, you work and live near different generations, making it harder to have common interests and routines that intersect. And everyone else is in the same boat!
To cultivate new friendships in the adult world, Robbins believes three pillars must be present: proximity, timing (same stage in life), and energy (“clicking” with people). She recommends going first when any of these pillars are present and making the effort to introduce yourself or invite others to see if a friendship can blossom. Keep Robbins’ advice in mind the next time you’re involved with others who pique your interest. The other person may be as anxious as you are to have a new buddy in their life.
Source: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, 2024
