In his book Supercommunicators, Charles Duhigg states that most conversations fall into one of three categories: practical, emotional, or social. Each type requires a different response from the listener.
In one type of conversation, the person wants Help. This response would provide practical suggestions and aid in solving the issue being discussed.
In another conversation, the person is focused on sharing emotions and wants a Hug. This calls for a focus on empathy and support, rather than solutions.
In the third type, the person just wants to be Heard. In this scenario, the person uses a social situation to vent their frustrations and will feel better by having someone listen.
This model has been used in school districts with students indicating to teachers the type of response they need at that moment and can also be used in relationships or business settings (minus the literal hug part!). Paying attention to body language or explicitly asking the person what kind of conversation they are having allows the respondent to connect and converse effectively.
Whether you mentally ascertain “Help, Hug, Heard” or rephrase to “Solve, Support, Vent,” triaging conversations will help you provide the desired response.
Source: Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg, 2024
I love this. I work at using this technique in my professional relationships and my personal relationships. I use it mainly for my benefit. My initial response to someone is to roll my sleeves up and offer help or advice. When its not accepted I get my feelings hurt. In order to ease my gut reaction of helping and feeing useful, I ask that my friends and co-workers just come out and use this. I don’t get offended, its a savior for my mental health. In the end, I feel like both sides win.
Nice to have validation that the technique works! We always default to solving issues when we’re the receiver, even though we know sometimes as the initiator, all we want is someone to listen or empathize. Thanks for commenting.