A consistent theme among my students and coaching clients is the difficulty they have with appropriately pushing back. They act as if it is easier to let someone take advantage of them, to let an objection go unspoken, or to take on extra responsibilities alone, than to experience the discomfort of speaking up. I spend a lot of time trying to disabuse this notion!
Someone just shared that they were served a well-done steak, even though they had ordered medium-rare. Typically, they would have just eaten the meal as served, but took the lessons to heart. When the waiter asked, “How is your meal?” they said that it was a bit overdone. Much to their surprise, it was no big deal at all for the waiter. He allowed them to keep the original steak, brought a properly prepared meal, and was pleasant throughout the exchange. Yeah!!
This is how you develop assertiveness skills. You don’t speak up for the first time in a leadership meeting, or use your beginner voice when challenging your boss. You practice, frequently, in inconsequential settings to train your brain to accept that discomfort is bigger in your mind than in reality.
Make “send the steak back” your new mantra. Have the courage to push back or ask for what you need when the stakes (ha!) are low, and build that muscle to speak up when it truly matters.
