We spend a lot of time and emotional energy around things that are done deals.
The fight is canceled and no matter how much you yell at the agent, you’re not getting rebooked until tomorrow. The actual cost of the project is more than the estimate for an essential component. The milk is spilled on the floor even though you are running late. A staff member messed up and did the wrong thing.
Instead of rehashing the details or getting upset about something that can’t be changed, I like to ask the question: “What would you have happen now?” It moves the conversation forward and focuses on what you can do something about. It forces the aggrieved to get past the complaining stage and into the action phase, and it identifies the steps that they would find satisfactory.
The next time you are in a heated situation or stumble upon one, shift the direction by asking one of my favorite queries. It can be a game-changer.
