Author and podcaster Mel Robbins has created a buzz around her “Let Them” theory, a mindset hack that is as simple as it is effective. She says, “When you “let them” do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.”
Robbins advocates saying “let them” to yourself whenever someone is exhibiting behavior you can’t control, whether something as simple as slowing down the checkout line or something as serious as excessive drinking. Just say “Let them.”
But Part 2 of her theory is where the hard work is — saying “Let Me.” Yours is the only behavior you can control, so it becomes up to you to determine what you will do as a result of others’ actions. You let them act how they wish, but if it negatively impacts you or goes against your values, then “let me” change my behavior in response.
Your classmates in a group project are slacking off. Let them. Let me decide that I want to carry the ball to get the grade that impacts me. A company supports candidates who have vastly different political views. Let them. Let me decide where I shop. Your boss treats you unfairly. Let them. Let me start looking for a new job.
Robbins implores you to stop wasting your energy or becoming upset because of what others do. None of your huffing and puffing will change their actions so “let them.” Instead, focus on the only behavior you can influence — “let me.”
Source: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, 2024.
